


Stop crying

by Kaogasm



Series: Of grief and comfort [2]
Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki cares, Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Loki provides comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 08:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30002343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaogasm/pseuds/Kaogasm
Summary: Set months after "Of grief and comfort". Tina is still secretly mourning. She wants to stop crying, but she can't.
Relationships: Loki/OFC, Loki/Original Female Character
Series: Of grief and comfort [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206992
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	Stop crying

**Author's Note:**

> This piece basically wrote itself. I was not planning on it, nor did I have any inspiration for it. It just happened, so I decided to put this and the previous one this belongs to (Of grief and comfort) into a collection and make a series out of it.

_Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying._

Two words she kept repeating in her mind while curled up under the blankets. Her tears wouldn’t stop flowing. No matter how much she tried, they would come pouring down like a faucet over the sink. They didn’t even need a reason to start. She would look at the sky, she’d cry. She’d watch TV, she’d cry. People would pass her by, she’d cry. The team would greet her every morning on her way to her office, she’d suppress the urge until she was inside the privacy of her workplace and she’d cry.

Everything made her cry.

It had been months since the day she had to say goodbye to the most precious person in her life. Losing her mother had taken a toll on her. She didn’t like the looks of pity she kept getting from everyone around her. In fact, she _hated_ it. The first week after the funeral, she was so out of it she couldn’t care less what was happening around her.

The only thing more or less comforting her during that week was Loki’s presence. He had held her in his arms the first night. Kept her from reliving the hell she had to go through that day. In fact, he had shown up at her side every night that week, bringing her back to reality after every nightmare she had. He had sat at her side, either talking to her about random topics, in an attempt to ease her mind and distract her from the horrors that kept haunting her; or he would simply hold her again until she fell asleep.

But everything had to come to an end. He had to go on missions with the team and some of those required extended absence from the compound. Tina was alright with that. He didn’t owe her anything, after all. He was simply a friend who cared for a friend’s wellbeing when she needed it most. She was quite grateful for that.

She had gone back to work after only one week of mourning. Pepper had insisted she take more time off, but Tina had refused. No one could convince her otherwise and she put on a smiling face whenever someone saw her, as if nothing had happened.

The smile would stay plastered on until she was in the privacy of her room, the door locked and FRIDAY muted. She would go into her private bathroom, close the door and then she would break down and cry. That way no one passing by could hear her.

_Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying._

It had become a mantra. She kept repeating it in her mind. Sometimes she would grab a random book or a magazine, sit at the dining table and pretend to read, while her eyes would not even move past a single word. Her brain kept chanting: stop crying.

A gentle touch to her shoulder startled her. She jerked her head to the side and sighed in relief when she saw it’s Natasha, smiling at her with that pity in her eyes that Tina hated so much.

“Didn’t mean to startle you.” Natasha said, retracting her hand from Tina’s shoulder and taking the seat next to her.

“It’s okay, I was...” Tina looked at the book. “Lost in the book, I guess.” She gave her friend a tired smile.

“You’ve been staring at the same page for the past 15 minutes. Are you okay, hun?” Natasha leaned forward a bit, lowering her voice so the others in the room wouldn’t hear.

“I’m fine.” Tina lied, her smile perfectly in place. “I guess I was day dreaming.” She closed the book and looked at the cover. “Daniel Steel does that to people.” She scrunched her nose as she examined the cover, as if seeing it for the first time.

“I didn’t know we had Daniel Steel books lying around. Who reads those anymore?”

“Accidentally found them in Pepper’s private collection.” Tina managed a grin. She couldn’t remember how or where she had actually found the book.

Natasha raised an amused eyebrow. “Didn’t think Pepper was the type for romantic novels.” She chuckled.

“Could be a nostalgic thing...” Tina trailed off, the word nostalgia taking her back to the time her mom would read to her at bedtime. Her heart clenched inside her chest and she felt the need to retreat to her room. She knew the tears would come faster than she would want.

“I’ll go take a short nap before dinner time. I’m feeling a bit exhausted.” She stood up, leaving the book on the table. “Had a busy day at work.” She smiled as she adjusted her skirt, pulling it down from where it had crawled up while sitting.

“Sure. Call me if you need anything, okay?” Natasha stood up as well. She did not believe the part about having had a busy schedule. She knew for fact Pepper had a day off today, which also meant less work to do for Tina.

“Of course.” Tina replied with her signature fake smile and went to her room. As soon as she closed the door, she felt her heart aching and a single sob escaped her lips.

“Miss Tina,” FRIDAY spoke. She was instructed long ago to address Tina with her nickname instead of last name, because Tina found it to be friendlier. FRIDAY could not completely drop the formality, though. “I detect elevated heartrate and signs of distress. How can I be of assistance?” The AI spoke in a tone that made Tina imagine how she’d look like if she had a face: full of pity.

“I’m fine, FRI.” She quickly replied, wiping a tear that fell down her cheek. “I’m fine. Mute, please.”

She crawled into her bed and curled up under the sheets. Pulling the blanket over her head, she hid her face between her palms and started crying.

As dinner time came, the team had gathered around and they were setting the table. Natasha looked around the room, but Tina hadn’t joined them yet.

“Anyone seen Tina?” It was Steve that asked.

“Not since this afternoon.” Natasha replied, setting utensils on the table. “FRIDAY, is Tina still asleep?”

“She’s awake, agent Romanoff.”

“Could you tell her dinner’s ready?”

“I’m afraid I cannot do that. She has muted me since this afternoon.”

Natasha looked alarmed. “Why?”

“My sensors caught signs of distress and when I asked if help was needed, she muted me.”

“Now why would she do that?” Pepper asked, looking at Natasha.

“Because she doesn’t want you to know.” Loki replied, coming out from the kitchen with a bowl of sauce in his hands. “She’s still mourning.”

“But it’s been months.” Steve narrowed his eyes, looking at his friends.

“People mourn in different ways, Captain.” Loki set the bowl on the table. “Some manage to come to terms with loss sooner than others. Depending on how close they were with the deceased and the person themselves.”

“She was pretty tight with her mom.” Sam said. “Should someone go talk to her?”

“Loki should.” Natasha said, pointing a folded napkin at Loki. “You barely left her side the first week. That seemed to help. You should talk to her.” She said, before she resumed setting the napkins on the table.

“And what, pray tell, could I say to her?” Loki raised an eyebrow, while at the same time he started filling up two plates with food. He liked Tina. She was nice to everyone by default. While others might show some distrust in him during certain events or missions, she would be one of the few to not doubt his motives. He didn’t know why that was, but he appreciated it nonetheless. In addition to that, with the passing of her mother, he shared a certain type of bond with her. Well, he thought of it as a bond, but in reality it was more that they had something in common now. They had both lost the most important person in their lives. While the others had more or less gone through similar situations, Loki couldn’t relate to them the way he related to Tina for some reason.

“You’re the one with the Silvertongue. Make something up!” Tony said, getting up from his spot on the couch and joining the others at the dining table. “If I didn’t know she’d bite my head off, I’d bypass her order to FRIDAY and ask her to just come join us. But she muted FRIDAY for a reason. _You_ , Reindeer Games, need to go and find that out.” Tony took his usual seat at the head of the table.

“She does trust you.” Pepper added with a smile.

“Well, she shouldn’t.” Loki mumbled under his nose as he finished filling up the plates and set them on a tray he conjured out of thin air. Adding utensils, napkins and a couple of drinks, he carried the tray towards Tina’s room, making sure he narrowed his eyes at Natasha before he disappeared into the corridor.

Standing at Tina’s door, he gave it a soft knock and waited. When no answer came, he knocked again. There was still no answer, so he leaned his ear against the door, trying to listen if there was any movement. He knew she was awake. He could hear the soft murmurs coming from inside. If it weren’t for his other-worldly hearing, he wouldn’t have heard anything at all.

“Christina,” he called softly and waited. There was still no answer. Maybe she wanted to be left alone, but it was dinner time and he hadn’t seen her all day. That could only mean she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and even that hadn’t been much from what he could recall.

“I’m coming in.” He announced before grabbing the door handle and letting his magic seep through and unlock the door for him to walk in. Once inside, he closed the door and locked it again, lest any of the Avengers would decide to come in unannounced.

As he turned around, he frowned upon seeing Tina. She was curled against the headboard of her bed, her back to the door. She was softly banging her head against the wood and mumbling something, while her shoulders should continuously.

Loki approached her, setting the tray on the floor at the foot of the bed and then went to sit at the side, behind Tina.

“Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying.”

Loki gasped softly as he heard what she was mumbling between sobs. The slight shift in the mattress did not seem to alert her of a presence in her room and Loki knew if he would touch her shoulder, she’d probably freak out. So instead, he softly cleared his throat, trying to catch her attention that way.

That seemed to work. Suddenly, Tina’s shoulders stopped shaking and she stopped repeating her mantra. She raised her head and slowly turned around. Her eyes were wide open when they met Loki’s. He saw the red in them. The tears that soaked her cheeks. The swelling under her eyes. She has been crying for a while.

Tina was startled when she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. Her door was locked. She was sure she locked it hours ago. But when she turned around and saw it was Loki, she knew he had used magic to get in. Any other time she would have scolded him for it, but at that moment she didn’t have it in her. Warmth filled her heart when her eyes met his. She didn’t see the pity in them that she saw in everyone else’s. His eyes were full of understanding. He knew exactly what she felt, how she felt and why she felt it. His face was void of expression, but his eyes were a different story. No one paid attention to his eyes. They all looked at him as a whole, but never paying attention to what his eyes had to say.

Loki reached out with a hand, his palm facing upward. Tina placed her own over his and he stroked her skin with a thumb. “You’re missing dinner.” He said, his lips still in a straight line and face void of expression, as if he had a mask on.

“Didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” She replied, her voice carrying a slight shudder with her apology.

Loki shook his head. “Never apologize for needing time for yourself.” He finally allowed the slightest curl upwards at the corner of his lips. “Do you need more time to cry? Or are you hungry enough to take a pause?”

Tina sighed. She wanted to laugh at that. She really did. Though she was too exhausted for that at the moment. “I could use a pause.” She leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes. “A very long pause.” She sighed as more tears forced their way over her cheeks.

The mattress shifted and dipped at her side, then there was a thumb moving across her cheek; wiping the left side first and then the right side. Loki was still holding her hand in one of his. “I cannot promise a long pause, but if you’d allow me, I’d like to grant you a short one.” He spoke softly, like she would shatter if he spoke using his regular volume.

Tina nodded. “Please.”

“I took the liberty to bring dinner with me.” He let go of her hand and summoned the tray from where it lay on the floor. He held it between them, waiting for Tina to open her eyes. When the smell of food reached her nose, she opened her eyes and looked at it. “Smells good. Who cooked?”

“It was a joint effort, from what I gathered.” Loki could see the slightest movement in her lips, a faint smile.

They ate in silence. Tina was playing with her food most of the time and whenever Loki noticed it, he would caress the back of her hand with his own to gain her attention. She give him a little smile and continue eating, until the next moment when she would drift off with her thoughts.

She had barely eaten half of what was in her plate when she finally put her fork down and leaned back against the headboard. “While it was tasty, I’m afraid I’d throw up if I continued forcing it down.”

Loki had finished his food and took her plate to set it aside along with his. “We wouldn’t want that, now, would we?” He smiled. With a slight wave of the hand, both plates, along with the tray and utensils disappeared.

“When you do that, where do they go?” Tina looked at him. Exhaustion was evident on her face.

“Right now I sent them to the kitchen, next to the sink.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and made it disappear as well. “This one I sent to the garbage bin.”

“You can send things away. Can you bring them as well?”

He raised his palm and her hairbrush appeared in it.

Tina looked from his hand to his face. “Can you bring people?”

Loki should have known the question would come at some point. He made the hair brush disappear and dropped his hand to his lap. He held her gaze for a moment, which felt like an eternity. He could read the sadness in her eyes, the pleading, the longing. Finally, he dropped his gaze onto his lap and sighed, shaking his head. “I wish I could.” He whispered. “It was one of the first things I tried to do after I heard my mother had passed. It was never within my abilities. I had tried searching for someone who could do it, but...” He paused, clenching and unclenching is fists. “I came to find out no one in the Nine Realms or beyond are capable of it. It is simply impossible.”

“Okay.” Tina said in a whisper, leaning back against the headboard in disappointment and looking ahead at nothing in particular. “Does the pain ever stop?”

“No, but you learn to make a special place for it within your heart.” Loki moved to sit at her side, leaning against the headboard as well, his shoulder lightly touching hers. “You carry it around with you. In time, its presence feels less, almost gone. But it’s always there, lurking in the shadows of your heart and mind. It doesn’t cause agony as much as in the beginning, but every now and then it makes its presence known.” He gently took her hand into his. “They say it helps to be open about it, but I’m not the person to confirm or deny that. I’m not one to share my emotions with people.”

“But you kind of just did.” Tina looked at him once more, her eyes shining with the wetness slowly returning to them.

Loki smiled. “You’re not people. You’re my friend.” He then bumped her shoulder with his. “And if you tell anyone I’ll deny it ever happening.”

Tina’s lips parted, showing a row of perfectly white teeth as she smiled. There were tears in her eyes, but she knew she still needed time to get those under control. “I promise not to tell a soul.”

“Thank you.” Loki’s smile mirrored hers. “You’re beautiful when you smile like that, you know. I’m honoured that you did not use the smile you have been showing others for the past few months.”

“You knew?” Tina closed her lips, but the smile was still there. Still genuine.

“I did.” Loki nodded. “I promise not to tell a soul.”

“Thank you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re a good friend, Loki.”

“I’m really not, but thank you for saying that.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his side. He had neglected taking care of his friend for months. He should have been more attentive than just noticing the fake smiles she passed on left and right. But he was there now, at her side. He would do better from now on. He’ll pay attention, he will help her through her sorrow and maybe one day, he would be able to bring back the real Tina he had come to know throughout the years he had been among the Avengers.

“What about the tears? Do they ever stop?” She asked, leaning against his chest as he held her.

“In time, they do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is much appreciated <3
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr: @Kaogasm :)


End file.
